To Whom Much Is Given

I don't even know if this post is coherent. Truthfully, I'm angry and feeling really defensive, protective.  Not even a month after watching a young girl get violently abused by a school resource officer, I learned of a story today out of Mizzou where a Black woman emailed her professor expressing fear over an anonymous threat issued to Black students at the University, and her fear was dismissed. I can't take too much more of this.


Over the past year and a half, I’ve learned what it really means to love someone where they are, how they want and need to be loved.

We tend to think that our love offering is sufficient by virtue of having intentions to do right by our significant other.

But love requires specificity, a particular attention to the loved and their unique lived experiences and needs.

My wife is creative, funny, beautiful, rhythmical, graceful, witty, intelligent, patient—she has that magic that only Black women have. I don'eem feel worthy. “To whom much is given…”

However, society has its proverbial foot on her neck and the necks of all Black women. Their experiences regarding police violence, reproductive justice, workplace micro aggressions, unequal pay, domestic violence, police violence, street harassment etc. etc. are ignored and silenced. By everyone. There is little to no safe space for Black women outside of the ones that they’ve created for themselves.

I am of no use to my wife if the space we’ve carved out isn’t full of affirmation and safety, and free of patriarchy and mysogynoir. I have to look and listen to how the world experiences her and how she experiences the world, because her experiences and her needs are very unique. "...much is required."

Black men really, really owe it to Black women to learn the power and privileges we hold and the ways in which our beliefs and practices subjugate them. And not just the ones we're romantically involved with, but all Black women--on principle. That includes trans Black women, disabled Black women, queer Black women, overweight Black women, poor Black women, Black women with no formal education. Their lives literally depend on it.

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